What Can I Do You For?
by LDark
Summary: Just a bit of random inspiration. Ax meets a, err, lady of the evening while alone downtown one day. Hilarity and confusion ensues. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Ax was walking down the street in his human morph. Lately he'd gotten better at walking without falling over; he could even run short distances. He'd also gotten over… well, most of his preoccupation with taste. Taste was definitely the best flavour. Flave. Lavour. Flavour.

That was one thing that he hadn't gotten over yet – vocalization. Prince Jake and the rest of the Animorphs thought it annoying, but he was astounded by the vocal ability of this morph. It had no defenses, but it was still unlike any he'd ever tried. It was… exhilarating.

He had decided to spend the day in his human morph, to see if he could pass off as a normal human, just in case. So he was spending it the same way Prince Jake and Cassie once said they had; he was going to go "just walk around downtown for a couple hours."

He was listening to the conversations around him; in order to fit in, he needed to know how the humans in this area spoke. Stopping for a light, he overheard a conversation. One phrase sounded good in his head – "What can I do you for?"

Judging by the response, he figured it was a question similar to 'What can I help you with?', or others along that vein. He decided he'd test it out on the next human he talked with.

After not too long, he was walking down a shady street; this is what Marco had called a 'back alley'. It didn't seem to be dangerous, so he used it as a shortcut. To where, he didn't know, but it was a shortcut to somewhere.

"Hey Mister." The sound came from a short woman who had similar skin tone to Cassie, dressed in a pink top and a skirt. He liked the combination.

She licked her lips, running her tongue over them slowly.

_She must be hungry._

"Lookin' for a good time, handsome?" She said, looking straight into his eyes.

"Why yes, I am, in fact. Fact."

"Well, do you want a little bit of… help, there?" She pushed herself off of the wall that she had been leaning on, and hooked her arm around his.

This was it! This was the moment he had been waiting for!

"What can I do you for?" he asked. He felt proud to be using a phrase he had just heard. He would have to tell Prince Jake when he got back.

"Five bucks, hotshot." She smiled up at him. "You're fast."

"Oh, sorry. My Prince told me not to give money to anyone on the street. We'll have to get off the street if I can give you money." _I guess she's one of those homeless people I hear a lot about on the television news_, he thought, as she led him up a flight of stairs.

"This is my place, hon." He peered inside; it didn't look very interesting. He stepped inside anyways, and pulled out a five dollar bill. He checked to make sure it had a little 5 on it, and then handed it to her.

"Here you go!" He smiled, opened her door, and walked out.

_What a nice little girl_, he thought, as she stood in the doorway behind him looking utterly bewildered.


	2. Chapter 2

Ax had enjoyed his stay downtown, but Prince Jake and Cassie were worried about it.

"What did you do? Did you talk to anyone?" Prince Jake seemed… perturbed.

"I only talked to cashiers like you said, except one nice woman in an alleyway. She offered to show me a good time for five dollars, but when she brought me to her place, it looked boring, so I gave her the money and left." Ax was slowly morphing back into his much-more-stable Andalite form. He was temporarily blind as he spoke, because for some reason his human eyes had disappeared before his Andalite eyes appeared. When his eyes formed and opened, he saw Prince Jake and Cassie's reactions.

Cassie was trying to hold back laughter. Her right hand was over her mouth, but even Ax could tell that she wanted to laugh. Looking at Prince Jake, though, that wouldn't be such a great idea.

Prince Jake looked like he couldn't quite decide whether to laugh or be angry. His face was turning red, and he was staring at Ax, mouth agape.

((Prince Jake, you may want to close your mouth,)) Ax offered. That statement set both Prince Jake and Cassie to doing what they wanted to do. Cassie burst out into peals of laughter, and Prince Jake started yelling at Ax.

"Ax, you idiot! Couldn't you have just followed my advice?" He yelled. His face was bright red by now.

Ax calmly thought-spoke to them. ((I did what you said; I didn't speak to anyone who did not speak to me directly first, and I didn't give money to anyone on the street. We were inside when I gave her the money.))

Cassies stopped laughing, long enough to say "Ax, why exactly did you give her the money?"

((I assumed she was hungry, with the amount she was licking her lips.)) Ax said.

Now Prince Jake was laughing as well.

"Ax," he said, holding in the laughter and sighing deeply. "Let me tell you a little something about the birds and the bees."


End file.
